Chapter 634

Chapter 134 : I Hurt Her

*Maeve*

I followed Xander through the darkened corridors and down the stairs, my bare feet barely making a sound. Xander was exceedingly tall, taller even than Troy. Even being the tallest out of all the women in my family, I was panting as I tried to keep up with his long stride.

He had no idea where he was going, but I could tell he was trying to get out of the castle. He was going to shift; I could feel it. He was going to run.

But I wasn’t going to let him.

“Stop!” I hissed when he finally found the door to the back garden. He froze, his fingers wrapped around the doorknob for the space of a breath before he pushed the door open and stormed out onto the back terrace. I huffed a breath and tore after him, thankful for the cool breeze that fanned over the exposed skin beneath my shorts. “Damnit, Xander. I said stop!”

He whirled around, baring his teeth at me. I could see tears glimmering in his eyes, which were nearly black in the pale light spilling from the open door behind us.

“I hurt her,” he spat, fury sharpening each word to a brutal edge.

“Yeah, you did. But I can tell you’re hurting much more than she is right now,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. I could see a bruise forming along his jaw where I’d slapped him with my fingers curled into my palm. Blood still coated his lips, and his eyes were wide with horror–horror, and raging, infectious guilt that damn near snapped my heart in two. “You’re not the only one going through this,” I coaxed, still standing my ground. If he so much as looked like his wolf was going to take over, I’d take him to the ground. I’d pin him to the Goddess-damned concrete and force him to listen to me.

He was panting as well, his hands clenched into fists. He was trembling, but not from the cool breeze.

“Whatever you saw,” I said, taking a cautious step forward, “it’s gone now. It’s over.”

“Yet it replays over, and over again,” he growled, “on a constant f*****g loop!”

“You need to talk to someone about what happened to you–”

“I can’t,” he snapped, his eyes shimmering with tears. “I don’t want to think about it ever again–”

“Xander–” My voice broke around his name, especially as he hung his head and brought his hands to his face. I’d seen that same look in Oliver and Charlie’s eyes–pure, unadulterated grief. Terror. Fear, and confusion. Whenever I looked at my sons, I saw them as they’d been when they were young, their eyes shining with excitement and wonder. Xander had been a little boy once. He’d been loved, cherished. He likely had someone back home who was crushed at the thought of him facing the violence we’d just defeated.

Those boys… these children… my children–they’d never be the same again.

“You’re going to be alright,” I said through a sob. Xander didn’t look at me, his eyes downcast on the concrete. “Everything is going to be alright.”

“I could have killed her,” he whispered.

sob threatening to spill from my throat

I f*****g blink. I haven’t slept

towards him. I came up next to him to lean against the terrace. He was looking toward the forest, his eyes wide open but totally unseeing. He was still trapped inside his mind, likely replaying the nightmare,

because I was already awake, panting in my sweat-soaked sheets while trying to get my heartbeat to regulate.

with all of my heart that Troy was here right now. He would know

and I assume Oliver is having them as well….” I couldn’t help the way my mouth pressed together and my eyes squeezed shut at the mention of Oliver. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I tried to

whispered. “He was… he seemed like

he’d done had shattered him completely, and I

from Xander, wiping my eyes as I turned back to the forest. I hadn’t cried in a long time; I hadn’t had a reason to. But I felt like I’d done nothing but

said, hiccuping. “I

is he taking blood root?” Xander sounded concerned, and when I met his eye, I noticed the flash

the… symptoms, after being bitten–chills, fever,

it did nothing

I replied, wrapping my arms around

quiet, his eyes fixed on the house. I could feel his guilt and inner turmoil from where I was

to be

can’t sleep next to

idea you were doing that to

But then the second I closed my eyes I just… it all came back.” He cleared his throat, running his fingers through his hair and ruffling it in frustration. “My people are suffering. The

“Xander–”

hurt my mate. I was strangling her. I could’ve

about this,” I pleaded. “Lena can help

beyond the powers of

not what

can’t trust myself, Maeve. She’s having that baby soon, and then what am I supposed to do? What if I hurt her, our daughter?” His voice

his mate. I didn’t know him like Lena knew him. I just knew he was a warrior. I’d seen the same c*****e he’d seen. I saw my sons when I looked into his eyes, saw the same

our world in half, and it would be years until we figured out how to pick up

blood root,” I

“I will.”

should talk to

Creek tomorrow,”

was traveling while she was this far along, but neither of us would stop her. I’d

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