The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I slump back, mirroring Emma’s casual pose as the small happy laughter and squeals echo gently from outside with Jake’s voice intermingled and drift our way. Emma leans back for a second to peek outside, a warmth hitting her face and lighting up her eyes before she returns to focus on me.

“Well?” Emma reminds me. I was sitting watching her, my head lost somewhere between her ten thousand questions and just sheer fatigue.

“I’ve been better! Life sucked here and yet still sucked in New York, so go figure. I’ve felt better, and Arrick pretty much made me come home, so I guess I didn’t really choose it.” I shrug and swipe my mug to take a mouthful of the strong coffee, Italian roast or something Jake, ‘the coffee connoisseur’, has obviously filled it with. I blanch at how strong it is, even with creamer.

“Bristly … Uncharacteristically so.” Emma raises eyebrows my way with only a look of calculation on her face, no doubt her psychology degree working overtime in that quick brain to pinpoint the route to my awful personality facelift.

“It’s a touchy subject and getting off the defensive is harder than it seems.” I sink down again, reprimanded and scolded, even though she has barely tried to.

“I’m getting a little tension where Arrick is concerned. Are you two fighting over you coming home?” Emma leans in towards me, studying me closely, and pushes her mug to one side so she can rest her elbows and arms across, making it comfortable to lean her ample bust on. That instant sharp slicing shard hits my heart again, blinking back the almost instant prickle of tears and bite on my lip to curb it. Hating how his name can bring it on like this.

doesn’t need, or want, my drama. Silly little girls with selfish problems are

that even with a life elsewhere, he will always find the time for you. In fact, I know he will. It’s just a fight; something that will pass. Do you want to talk about it?” Emma smiles gently, urging me to open up, but I only shrug more. I shake my head with sheer tiredness over this whole thing. I just want to not think about him for like five minutes. I sigh and exhale heavily, letting

can’t keep expecting him to always pick up the broken pieces for me, and I get the vibe he doesn’t want to anymore either.” I fiddle with the handle of my mug,

you maybe miss him?” Emma frowns softly, her brows framing soft blue eyes in

sit up straight and raise my palms in frustration. “It was easier before … Even after … after what sperm donor did. I was happy for a while, but then … I don’t know, Emma. Something changed inside of me, and in the last couple of years, it’s just kept growing.” The words flood out in a rapid flow of relief, just pouring out because I need them to. Because I am sick of mulling this over alone, and I trust that she will never

haunt you once more?” Emma soothes. Watching and retaining everything I

and grew, darker and wider, making me feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t know why it’s there, or how to fix it, Ems. It just shadows me all the time, and at first, getting trashed and partying helped me ignore it.” The heavy ball of anxiety expands to a heavy weight through my

lifting her own mug to take a calm sip. She is in

here.” I tap my heart again, frustrated with whatever this is. Glad that I have someone who can maybe help figure out the root cause, and that maybe, finally, there is something I can do about it. “After that, it was just was there, and it got worse and worse until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I can’t think straight because I don’t even know what it is. I’m so sick of the nothing it makes me feel in life … Like that movie, you know? The Never-Ending Story. When the huge black nothing sweeps through and clears everything into chaos and oblivion until there is nothing left.