The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

The panic fleeting across his face breaks my heart a thousand times more than the past two years have. I never wanted to tell him, but somehow, as with everything in my life, it always comes out involuntarily when I am with him. It’s always been this way; it’s why he knows every single sordid detail of my past. I have never been able to keep anything from him for long and I guess it’s because I have always loved him.

God, girl, you are such a fool.

“You think I wanted this? You think I asked to start feeling differently about you? Or to even know that’s what this emptiness has been? Don’t you think I wish I could just push it all away, and be like I was before?” I raise my palms in angst. Not sure what else to do. “I didn’t know until yesterday that this is what is even wrong with me. This is all a shock to me too, and it’s not like I don’t know that this isn’t right. I know you don’t look or feel that way about me, I know you’re in love with Natasha and this fucks me and you up in every way. You don’t need to point this out to me … I already know, Arry!” I sob, slumping down on the floor hopelessly. Arrick hesitates, moving as though to come to me, to console me, but then steps back, confused if he should or shouldn’t, his sense of confusion choosing to play safe and stay back.

“I don’t know what to say. What you want me to do? I don’t even know how to feel right now, Sophs. We’re Batman and Robin, not Batman and Catwoman!” Arrick moves back until he meets the wall behind him and slumps down too, sliding down until his ass hits the wood, sitting in mirroring poses, facing each other across the floor. I wipe my tears away and just despair at him hopelessly, finding that inner numb to get through this moment.

“If I knew what to do then I would be doing it.” I sniff back the lump in my throat painfully, making talking harder. My eyes scramble over his disheveled form as he looks utterly devastated, which in turn, does the same to me.

questions will make me suddenly have some sort of epiphany that this was all a

my feet, sarcasm biting at just how dense he can be and stare down at him. Anger to replace the pain, so predictably me. Good old self-defense Sophie system kicking in. “Is it really that awful or unbelievable?” I smart, temper moving in, and I really don’t have the energy to argue myself out of it. Arrick must

you were a kid. I watched you grow up … I know everything about

at him and go to storm across my room to pick up a hairbrush, seeing as my hairs sliding down and suddenly I am more than aware I must look like a complete child, and it bothers me in a

my head ... I don’t want to think about sex with you. I couldn’t ever do that to, or with you ... I don’t think I could even kiss you, let alone ...” He falters again when I throw him that look that reminds him, we already kissed once, and his face crumbles once more. “I know we did then, but I was drunk, and I don’t even remember. I don’t think I could ever...That I would want to if we.... Or I mean......It’s … just that you and I … trust, and our families … I can’t imagine I could kiss....” He’s rambling and it’s gotten

fast to meet my height and hit him with my mouth on his, to shut him up. Kissing him hard. Within a second of lips meeting lips he jerks back, pushing me away by the upper arms with sheer shock running across his

had a major