The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arry leads me into the apartment, holding hands, fingers interlocked snugly, and gives me a soft sexy smile as he guides me into the wide, high ceiling hallway of our new abode. I’m tired from our journey, drained, achy, and need a long soak in the tub from being on a commercial plane for hours, but we’re finally here. I can push off the heaviness of my body and bones and sink into our home with a huge sigh of relief. It’s finally happening. After weeks of hard work, stress, and panic to get us here before my new term starts. I’m drained, exhausted, yet tingly with anticipation.

Paris… our home for the next year.

Our little adventure while I go to school and take steps to the dream I have in my sights. He’s moved heaven and earth to make sure this happened, and I couldn’t love him anymore for it if I tried. It’s our reality, it’s my future.

I glance around as he drops our flight bags on the floor with a gentle thud, both from one hand. They slump by his feet practically sighing with the same relief of a tedious journeys end; a reflection of how we both look. We pre-packed and sent everything else we wanted here ahead of us and travelled light. All we have are two tiny bags, immense exhaustion from a long ass, eight-hour flight from New York and a desire to take it all in.

The flutter of excitement, the tingles at getting shown around for the first time since we bought this apartment, rise within me, stirring me from my travel fog. Peeking my attention as my lungs fill with renewed energy at seeing all the new and shiny for the first time.

We sent someone Arrick trusted to scope this place out; a quick sale based on videos, pictures, and real estate inspector’s valuations. This is us seeing it fully decorated to our specifications, really taking it in, in all its real glory and really, seeing it in the flesh for the first time ever.

The grand entrance and French ornate moldings give me crazy excitement. It’s so quaint as you walk into the little half-closed entranceway, with its high ceilings and pale creamy walls and highly polished wood floor the darkest color of mahogany brown. It’s reminiscent of a dream home in a romance movie, set in a past era of Paris.

I can’t wait to see how it looks in its entirety, now that our designer has made it ready for us to move into. Hours of showing her designs, and ideas, and color palettes. Pouring over a million design brochures, and Pinterest images, endless sleepless nights while filling out mood boards for her. Furniture websites, soft furnishing samples and art …

I blink as I take it all in, in one wide eye sweep as we turn into the open plan of our main living room and pause… Blink twice… blink again. Face stilling as the visual turns me to a stony-faced statue of not impressed.

Face and heart dropping spectacularly, like a lead weight, to my stomach as I take in the massive sitting room before me, and my mood completely shoots out of orbit. Excitement dead, happiness murdered, tears prickling, because I am so god damn tired and this is not the sight I was expecting to see before me. This has the same effect as being sucker punched in the stomach and head, systematically, with great force.

It’s nothing at all like we agreed, what we chose together, what we spent hours, days, weeks, choosing and bickering about, and giving to that overpriced, garish outfit wearing, so called designer. I can’t believe I endured her smarmy obvious flirting with Arrick endlessly for all this shit I now see before me.

I slide my hand out of his as I stop, rooted to my spot, temper simmering irrationally and spin around with a frown that fast overtakes my face. Feeling like bashing him over the head with anything I have to hand and cannot stop the bubbling of a “Sophie overreaction” at something Arrick did to upset her.

Yes, I need to get that crap under control, but he is so damn infuriating sometimes.

the “Sophie” from the “Arry and Sophie” love pad. And I’m on the verge of sobbing my little broken heart out. I want to bawl in a “my boyfriend’s such a mean dickhead” kind of heartbreak. This apartment doesn’t feel like

sparkly, my fairy lights, my fluffy throws and romantic scatter pillows? Where’s my oversized lanterns filled with candles, and cute things on the shelves. My choice of prints on the walls or even the couch I chose? Where are my god damn silver Unicorn

take around the room as if he is looking for the thing that makes me unhappy. Clearly blind to what’s missing and seeing only something he

Asshole!

this sort of reaction to the bland man pad laid out before us in all its minimal, stark and unhomeliness glory.

the room snappily, disappointment filling me up inside and I know it’s such a dumb thing to get upset over, but this is supposed

real ‘let’s choose everything together from scratch’. A half and half of us

cell and WhatsApp are jam packed with the five thousand images I sent him at work daily and the ‘please kill me now and just choose whatever you want’ replies I got back from him. He kept telling me to go ahead and choose for us. He didn’t seem to care all

clearly never fucking meant that no matter

his hand down with a satisfying thwack noise and walk off towards the low coffee table abruptly. Irritation is not good on me, and the last thing I can deal with when I’m pissed is him trying to get all smoochy and touchy and smooth it over without realizing what he’s even

so god damn dumb

a color scheme. Soft furnishings and art. None of that is here… Did you sign off on this shit?” I turn and flash him an angry look, gritting my teeth to curb the swell of stomach aching disappointment and his face drops slightly too. Finally registering how seething

Christmas break doing homework, more than celebrating. The only time off I even got was at his family party over Christmas and the rest

existed in. A time when Arry was with

away from the edge of a side table. It’s not even nice, I don’t even get what it’s for, and don’t bother concealing the look of disgust at the tacky ornament, from my face. I know I get more difficult when I’m tired, but Arry has

stupid. I’m just ruining our first moments in Paris with a dumb fight, because I’ve just had my feelings stomped on in a massive way. Arry glances around again and comes back to me seeming a little more somber, hand reaching out carefully as though approaching a wild beast who is ready to pounce. He has the grace to at least look

apartment! … I didn’t

at him and don’t

don’t want to burst into tears, even though it’s brimming under the surface. I want to get away from him and clear my brain and maybe after a nap, it won’t feel this huge of a deal. I make a move

and you were stressed already. I just okayed a color palette and said make it like our home. I didn’t ask her to leave out anything you picked… I swear. I just asked her to tone down all the sparkly, fluffy, unicorn stuff, so that

down the Sophie?!?!?! What the